What is Mindful Grieving?

Grief is powerful and universal. It is something we all experience at some point in our lives. Most of us are poorly equipped to deal with it effectively because we resist the pain, fatigue, feelings and continue longing for what was.

If you had a flat tire, would you change it with your bare hands? Of course not, you would use tools. So why not learn the tools of Mindful Grieving to move through grief?

You can practice Mindful Grieving by:

1) Recognizing the many facets of grief: fatigue and tired to the bone; overwhelm and don’t know what to do next; constant changes in emotion; aches and pain in the body.

2) Feeling, listening to and experiencing the fear of grief vanish by taking time each day to be in grief. Give it your attention by talking to your loved one’s photo, crying regularly in the shower or the car.

3) Take really good care of yourself for that entire first year. Ask: “What is the most kind and loving thing I can do for Myself in this moment?”



Why Should I Share My Story?

The process of “life review,” or compiling and sharing life stories, can be
a powerful experience for both storytellers and their loved ones. It is an opportunity to preserve memories, bring generations together, and create a lasting legacy.

In addition, studies have shown that telling your story can enhance mental and emotional well-being by enabling you to:

• Derive a sense of accomplishment from past achievements • Resolve old conflicts and feelings of ambivalence
• Reaffirm past and present values
• Create fulfilling future goals

How do I get started?

stroyYou can find a variety of resources both online and in print. You may also want to contact a personal historian: a dedicated professional who can help you tell your story. Services offered may include:

  • Audio recordings
  • Legacy letters
  • Memoir and tribute books
  • Videos
  • Personal mentoring and workshops
  • Transcription, editing, design, & printingArticle provided by The Portland Chapter of the
    Association of Personal Historians, which has members throughout Northwest Oregon and Southwest Washington. Many offer free, one – hour consultations to answer questions and discuss the vision of your project.For a link to this resource and more visit www.DepartingDecisions.com/Guide

Stanford Letter Project

Did you know?

New research at Stanford University shows that most doctors are reluctant to talk to their patients about what matters most at end-of-life. The Standford Letter Project will help you write a simple letter to your doctor about your values and life goals. Many people have written their letters and given them to their doctors. Write your letter now! The link at the bottom of the page will take you to the letter in different languages.

Dear Doctor,

My Doctor’s name _________________________________

RE: What matters most to me at the end of my life

I have been reading and thinking about end-of-life issues lately. I realize how important it is that I communicate my wishes to you and my family. I know that you are very busy.

You may find it awkward to talk to me about my end-of-life wishes or you may feel that it is too early for me to have this conversation. So I am writing this letter to clarify what matters most to me.

My name ______________________________________

What Matters Most to Me
Examples: Being at home, doing gardening, going to church, playing with my grandchildren



My important future life milestones
Examples: my 10th wedding anniversary, my grandson high school graduation, birth of my granddaughter



Here is how we prefer to handle bad news in my family
Examples: We talk openly about it, we shield the children from it, we do not like to talk about it, we do not tell the patient



Here is how we make medical decisions in our family
Examples: I make the decision myself, my entire family has to agree on major decisions about me, my daughter who is a nurse makes the decisions etc.



Here is who I want making medical decisions for me when I am not able to make my own decisions
1._______________ 2._____________ 3._______________

stanford letterWhat I DO NOT want at the end of my life
☐ I do not want to be on a breathing machine
☐ I do not want artificial liquid feeding
☐ I do not want dialysis
☐ I do not want to spend my last days in a hospital
☐ Idonotwanttodieathome
☐ Other


What I DO WANT at the end of life
☐ I want to be pain free
☐ I want to spend my the last days in the hospital
☐ I want you to help me die gently and naturally
☐ I want to die at home
☐ I want hospice care
☐ Other

If my pain and distress are difficult to control, please sedate me (make with sleep with sleep medicines) even if this means that I may die sooner
☐ Yes ☐ No

What to do when my family wants you to do something different than what I want for myself?
☐ I am asking you to show them this letter and guide my family to follow my wishes.
☐ I want you to override my wishes as my family knows best.
☐ Other information you want to convey

Please scan this letter into my medical records in a place where your colleagues can read this and be guided by it. I thank you doctor for listening to me now and for the future work you are about to do guided by what matters most to me.

Your grateful patient, ____________________________

View this full document, and others in different languages HERE

7 Ways to Support a Friend on Mother’s Day After A Loss

Did you know that Mother’s Day originated from one woman’s idea to honor her late mother? In 1905, Anne Jarvis decided to create a day to keep the memory of her mother alive and honor her work as a peace activist who cared for wounded soldiers on both sides of the Civil war. Anne’s intent was to encourage others to show their appreciation for their own mother by giving her a hand written and personalized note of thanks. She never imagined that within 15 years Mother’s Day would become a nationally recognized (and very commercialized) holiday.

For some, Mother’s Day is far from a “Hallmark Holiday”. It’s accompanied with days of emotion leading up to Sunday and often brings with it grief that is usually pushed aside any other time of the year. We can bet that you probably know someone who has lost a child or their mother so we have 7 tips to share on how to support a friend or family member during this time.


Short Eulogy Quotes, Poems, and Sympathy Card Quotes

Eulogy QuoteDuring times of grief and providing support to a loved one, can sometimes leave you speechless. What do you write in the sympathy card? What do you say in a eulogy? We hope the following list of short eulogy quotes and poems, can help you find the perfect words to express your feelings. And if you have a favorite, do share with us via a comment.

Eulogy Quotes, or Sympathy Card Poems

  • Grief is the price we pay for love.
-Unknown Author
  • Until we meet again, may God
 Hold you in the palm of his hand.
- Irish Prayer
  • Tears water our growth.
- William Shakespeare
  • When someone you love becomes a memory,
the memory becomes a treasure.
- Unknown Author
  • Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time… It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other. by Leo Buscaglia
  • If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
-Unknown Author
  • May you find comfort in the arms of an angel.
- Unknown Author
  • ‘Say not in grief ‘he is no more’ but live in thankfulness that he was’
- Hebrew proverb
  • Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones
shine down to let us know they are happy.
- Unknown Author
  • As you danced in the light with joy, love lifted you. As you brushed against this world so gently, you lifted us. – – – T.C. Ring
  • The memory of a good person is a blessing.
- Proverb 10:7
  • When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced
Live your life in a manner that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice
- Native American Proverb
  • …In the midst of death we are in life.
- Author Unknown
  • The journey is the reward
- Tao Saying
  • The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart.
- Helen Keller
  • What we have once enjoyed
we can never lose;
All that we love deeply,
- Helen Keller
  • We shall find peace. We shall hear angels,
we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.”
- Chekov
  • Make yourself familiar with the angels,
and behold them
frequently in spirit; for without being seen,
they are present with you.
- Saint Francis de Sales
  • To love for the sake of being loved is human,
but to love for the sake of loving is angelic.”
- Alphonse de Lamartine
  • Those we love can never be
more than a thought apart,
far as long as there is memory,
they’ll live on in the heart.
- Unknown Author
  • The guardian angels of life sometimes fly so high as to be beyond
our sight, but they are always looking down upon us.”
- Jean Paul Richter
  • When hearts listen, angels sing.
- Unknown Author
  • Those we love remain with us
for love itself lives on,
- Unknown Author
  • Let us be silent that we may hear the whisper of God.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Then the child opened its eyes, and looked up into the angel’s beautiful face, which beamed with happiness, and at the same moment they were in heaven, where joy and bliss reigned. The child received wings like the other angel, and they flew about together, hand in hand.
- Hans Christian Andersen
  • Good men must die, but death cannot kill their names.
- Proverb
  • Death leaves a heartache
no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no
one can steal
- Irish Tombstone
  • Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
- Unknown Author
  • Those we love don’t go away,
They walk beside us every day,
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed and very dear.
- Unknown Author
  • Don’t be sad-
I am in a snowflake,
I am in the rays of sun,
I am in the sparkling of stars
- Unknown Author
  • Those we love don’t go away,
They walk beside us every day,
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed and very dear.
- Unknown Author
  • The next place that I go
will be as peaceful and familiar
as a sleepy summer Sunday
and a sweet, untroubled mind.
– Warren Hanson
Get More Eulogy Quotes
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Additional Eulogy Quotes and Short Poems

Below are more short eulogy quotes and poems you can use at a service or sympathy card.

  • Love is like a butterfly; it goes where it pleases
and pleases wherever it goes.
- Unknown Author
  • Gone yet not forgotten,
although we are apart,
your spirit lives within me,
forever in my heart.
- Unknown Author
  • Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.
- Amelia Burr
  • People living deeply have no fear of death.
- Anais Nin
  • He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.
- Albert Einstein
  • Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That signifies nothing. For us believing physicists the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
- Albert Einstein
  • The idea is to die young as late as possible.
- Ashley Montagu
  • God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being spilled.
- Unknown Author
  • Death? Why this fuss about death. Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! … Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil.
- Charlotte Perkins Gilman
  • We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears. We must not demean life by standing in awe of death.
- David Sarnoff
  • From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity.
- Edvard Munch
  • Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me.
The Carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality
- Emily Dickinson
  • The irony of man’s condition is that the deepest need is to be free of the anxiety of death and annihilation; but it is life itself which awakens it, and so we must shrink from being fully alive.
- Ernest Becker
  • Healthy children will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death.
- Erik H. Erikson
  • Death is a debt we all must pay.
  • If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn’t going to be much fun.
- Unknown Author
  • Oh, may I join the choir invisible
Of those immortal dead who live again.
- George Eliot, The Choir Invisible
  • Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men.
- Herodotus
  • Life and death are balanced on the edge of a razor.
- Homer, Iliad
  • And they die an equal death – the idler and the man of mighty deeds.
- Homer, Iliad
  • Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live.
- Henry Van Dyke
  • Death is beautiful when seen to be a law, and not an accident – It is as common as life.
- Henry David Thoreau
  • If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.
- Isaac Asimov
  • Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death.
- James F. Bymes
  • God is growing bitter, He envies man his mortality.
- Jacques Rigaut, Pensées
  • Old persons are sometimes as unwilling to die as tired-out children are to say good night and go to bed.
- Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu
  • Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
- J.J. Furnas
  • I’m not afraid of death. It’s the stake one puts up in order to play the game of life.
- Jean Giraudoux, Amphitryon
  • Death never takes the wise man by surprise; He is always ready to go.
- Jean de La Fontaine
  • Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life.
- John Muir
  • God himself took a day to rest in, and a good man’s grave is his Sabbath.
- John Donne
  • Boy, when you’re dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody.
- J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
  • There are so many little dyings that it doesn’t matter which of them is death.
- Kenneth Patchen
  • For what is it to die,
But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?
- ~Kahlil Gibran, from “The Prophet”
  • While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.
- Leonardo Da Vinci
  • As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well used brings happy death.
- Leonardo Da Vinci
  • ‘Tis very certain the desire of life prolongs it.
- Lord Byron
  • We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love.
- Madame de Stael
  • All say, “How hard it is that we have to die” – a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
- Mark Twain
  • The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
- Mark Twain
  • People do not die for us immediately, but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life which bears no relation to true immortality but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts in the same way as when they were alive. It is as though they were traveling abroad.
- Marcel Proust
  • We say that the hour of death cannot be forecast, but when we say this we imagine that hour as placed in an obscure and distant future. It never occurs to us that it has any connection with the day already begun or that death could arrive this same afternoon, this afternoon which is so certain and which has every hour filled in advance.
- Marcel Proust
  • All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
- Maurice Maeterlinck
  • Death is a release from the impressions of sense, and from impulses that make us their puppets, from the vagaries of the mind, and the hard service of the flesh.
- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
  • Death a friend that alone can bring the peace his treasures cannot purchase, and remove the pain his physicians cannot cure.
- Mortimer Collins
  • The death of someone we know always reminds us that we are still alive – perhaps for some purpose which we ought to re-examine.
- Mignon McLaughlin
  • Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
- Norman Cousins
  • A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age; he dies of being a man.
- Percival Arland Ussher
  • No one knows whether death is really the greatest blessing a man can have, but they fear it is the greatest curse, as if they knew well.
- Plato
  • Death is patiently making my mask as I sleep. Each morning I awake to discover in the corners of my eyes the small tears of his wax.
- Philip Dow
  • I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge — myth is more potent than history — dreams are more powerful than facts — hope always triumphs over experience — laughter is the cure for grief — love is stronger than death.
- Robert Fulghum
  • Gaily I lived as ease and nature taught,
And spent my little life without a thought,
And am amazed that Death, that tyrant grim,
Should think of me, who never thought of him.
- René Francois Regnier
  • I wouldn’t mind dying – it’s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
- R. Geis
  • You can be a king or a street sweeper,
but everybody dances with the Grim Reaper.
- Robert Alton Harris
  • Someday I’ll be a weather-beaten skull resting on a grass pillow,
Serenaded by a stray bird or two.
Kings and commoners end up the same,
No more enduring than last night’s dream.
- Ryokan
  • To himself everyone is immortal; he may know that he is going to die, but he can never know that he is dead.
- Samuel Butler
  • The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.
- Seneca
  • The goal of all life is death.
- Sigmund Freud
  • Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.
- Socrates
  • Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
- Susan Ertz, Anger in the Sky
  • God made death so we’d know when to stop.
- Steven Stiles
  • I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
- Steven Wright
  • A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist.
- Stewart Alsop
  • Time rushes towards us with its hospital tray of infinitely varied narcotics, even while it is preparing us for its inevitably fatal operation.
- Tennessee Williams, “The Rose Tattoo”
  • I do not believe that any man fears to be dead, but only the stroke of death.
- Thomas Browne
  • Birth, life, and death — each took place on the hidden side of a leaf.
- Toni Morrison
  • A man’s dying is more the survivors’ affair than his own.
- Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain
  • You will never find that life for which you are looking. When the gods created man they allotted to him death, but life they retained in their own keeping.
- The Epic of Gilgamesh
  • Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
  • I want a priest, a rabbi, and a Protestant clergyman. I want to hedge my bets.
- Wilson Mizner
  • I shall not die of a cold. I shall die of having lived.
- Willa Cather
  • I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
  • Name me no names for my disease,
With uninforming breath;
I tell you I am none of these,
But homesick unto death.
- Witter Bynner, “The Patient to the Doctors”
  • For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.
- William Penn
  • And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
– Khalil Gibran
  • Those we love remain with us for love itself lives on, and cherished memories never fade because a loved one’s gone. Those we love can never be more than a thought apart, far as long as there is memory, they’ll live on in the heart. 
- Mary Alice Ramish
  • We are such stuff Dreams are made on; And our little life is rounded with a sleep.
–The Tempest, Shakespeare
  • Peace, peace, he is not dead, he doth not sleep. He hath awakened from the dream of life. 
- Percy Bysshe Shelly

If you have reached the end of this list, and have found some great quotes, do share your favorite with us! We would like to hear from you.

Burial at Sea

burial at sea

Burial at Sea

According to the Cremation Association of North America, by 2018, the US cremation rate is projected to reach 50.6%. And as the green movement continues, more and more families and individuals are looking out to the sea as their final resting place.

Burial at sea is offered by a number of companies across the nation, as well as the military. Burial at sea may include burial in a casket, burial sewn in sailcloth, burial in an urn or scattering of cremated remains.

Depending on the deceased, the bereaved will have to choose a company that will perform the burial or memorial at sea. Also, there are certain military restrictions that will need to be taken into consideration if a veteran or active duty person is to be buried at sea. Currently, the Environmental Protection Agency’s ocean and coastal unit, oversees burials in American waters based on geographical regions. And, based on where you conduct the burial, different paperwork is required, so be sure to do the proper research and submit your paperwork.

Some Options Available To You and Your Loved Ones
As you explore this option, here’s a few services that you can expect to find:

Captain’s Service
If the family can’t join for the ash scattering ceremony, you can generally hire a captain with proper licenses to conduct the ash scattering ceremony for you. The remains can be transported to the burial at sea firm, and the firm handles all of the proper documentation as well. The cost starts from $150 depending on the region.

Memorial Services by Family
For families who wish to plan for their personal memorial voyage, these companies provide all necessary things (the vessel, the crew, the ship) to have a proper burial at sea. One has to select the desired time, arrangements, and place and can invite a specified number of guests to attend (depends on the captain, ship and pricing). These companies will also help one to plan for this special ceremony on every detailed aspect. Lunch, dinners and transportation can also be arranged for the invitees.

Has your loved one received a burial at sea? Leave us a comment and share your story.

It’s National Healthcare Decisions Day

top 10 conversation starters for end of life planning

Today is National Healthcare Decisions Day – A day to consider your options and share your wishes regarding the type of medical treatment and end of life care you want to receive in the event that you cannot speak for yourself.

Why does this matter? Let me share my experience with you….

At age 21, I watched my father’s health deteriorate after he was diagnosed with bladder cancer. Although he was given the option to make his medical care and end of life wishes known he did not give any instructions to his family or the medical team treating him. What happened next was horrible and a memory I cannot erase from my mind.

The cancer quickly progressed to his brain which left him incapacitated – his brain had shut down.  My mother and I were forced to confront the end of his life, before he even died. It has been nearly 13 years since that Summer day when my family and I sat with a nurse to decide my father’s fate. I would not wish this upon anyone. THIS is why National Healthcare Decisions Day matters!

Yes, it is true….most people do not want to think about their own demise but let’s face it – modern technology hasn’t made it possible for any of us to live forever….at least not yet! We recognize that it can be hard to get the ball rolling, which is why we have some pointers to start the conversation as well as links to the legal forms for all 50 state advance directive forms.

Today, we challenge you to start the conversation about end of life planning by using our top 10 conversation starters. Share these with your friends by visiting our Facebook page, Pinterest board, or follow the conversation #nhdd on Twitter.com.


Grief Before Death – It Happens

Grief is a natural component of human adaptation to change. While bereavement usually refers to those who have lost a loved one, anticipatory (or preparatory) grief occurs both in the dying and in those close to them.

Anticipatory grief can develop in response to receiving a diagnosis of a life-limiting illness, as well as anywhere along the course of illness, particularly as symbolic losses accumulate. This can include loss of physical abilities, autonomy, control, predictability, mental clarity, role or status in family, future hopes and dreams, sense of belonging, and sense of purpose

  • Know that grief tends to fluctuate and experiencing joy and grief simultaneously is possible. Emotional ups and downs are a “normal” part of facing a life-limiting illness.
  • Share your thoughts and feelings with a family member or friend who is able to supportively listen, without giving advice or passing judgment.
  • Try to stick to your regular routines to maintain a sense of normalcy, making adaptations to adjust for any physical or cognitive changes.
  • Develop a strong working relationship with your medical providers so you can feel comfortable getting your questions answered and sharing your fears or concerns.

If your emotional “downs” stick with you (rather than fluctuate), or your grief is accompanied by poor self-esteem or thoughts of actively harming yourself, consider meeting with a social worker, chaplain, counselor, or psychologist for professional support. Make sure your clinician has experience working with individuals and families facing serious medical illness.

By Meghan Marty, PhD, Clinical Psychologist, Transitions Professional Center

Find a Final Resting Vessel That ‘Speaks’ To You


By Irina Jordan, Founder and Owner of Artisurn – online marketplace of handcrafted cremation urns, jewelry and keepsakes.

Final resting vessels have personalities, just like people. Cremation urns can be serious, playful, elegant, exuberant and much more. Your choices are not limited to urns. You can have the ashes fused with glass to create unique glass jewelry and keepsakes. You can pour a tiny amount of ashes into an urn pendant or brooch and keep it close. Pick memorial pieces that ‘speak’ to you and you and your family will treasure them forever as family heirlooms.

The urns can be made from a variety of materials: biodegradable paper and clay, bronze, copper, glass, clay (ceramic and Raku) and wood (including segmented urns).

Cremation urns are measured in cubic inches. The general rule of thumb is for every pound of the person’s total weight you will need one cubic inch of space. So if a person weighed 150 pounds, you will need an urn that is 150 cubic inches or larger.

Based on their capacity, urns can be divided into the following categories:

Companion Cremation Urns can accommodate the cremated remains of two people, such as a husband and wife. They range in size from 300 to 500 cubic inches.

Individual Size Cremation Urns hold the ashes of one person. The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) created an industry standard of 200 cubic inches, which equals about 6.8 pints. Individual urns vary from 110 to 300 cubic inches.

Sharing Cremation Urns are smaller, and are intended for sharing ashes among several different family members. Sharing urns come in a variety of sizes: small (up to 30 cubic inches), medium (up to 50 cubic inches), large (up to 70 cubic inches) and extra-large (up to 100 cubic inches). This urn can be used as a child’s urn.

Pet Urns comes in a variety of sizes: small (up to 30 cubic inches), medium (up to 50 cubic inches), large (up to 70 cubic inches), extra-large (up to 100 cubic inches) and special size (over 100 cubic inches).

Keepsake Cremation Urns hold only a small portion of cremation ashes. A keepsake urns’ capacity varies from 3 cubic inches to 50 cubic inches. When an individual sized urn is used to place the ashes in their final location, keepsake urns are often used to keep a portion of the ashes close to home or given out for scattering. This urn can be used as an infant size urn.

Cremation Jewelry Urns are the smallest size of urns. These urns are really just specially designed jewelry that have an inner chamber to hold a tiny portion of cremation ashes. They are a great alternative to traditional cremation urns. Ashes can also be incorporated into cremation jewelry by fusing it with glass.

The urn you pick will tell stories for generations to come about your loved one or beloved pet whose ashes are inside.

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